Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
