That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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