theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
