Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
