I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
