I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
