so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
