hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
