We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
