so that wasnt chicken after all
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
