so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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