Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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