wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
