Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
