im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
