So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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