pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
