You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
