so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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