You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
