Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There's always time for handjobs
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
