Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize