Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
