who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
