I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
