i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
