Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
