Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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