So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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