It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
