I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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