At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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