They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
