Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
