One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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