Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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