You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
