it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
