I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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