she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
