Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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