she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
