i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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