I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
