I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
