so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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