i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
