then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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