I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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