i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
