I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
