and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
