The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
