you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
