Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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