He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
