anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
