I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
