M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
