the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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