You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
