whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize