It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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