she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize