Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
