remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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