hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
