she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
