I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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